Loneliness as a Queer Man

Loneliness as a queer man—it’s real, bro. It’s so real.

Growing up, you feel like nobody sees you. Because they don’t. Then you come out, and suddenly they do see you—and reject you. Even more lonely.

Then you start exploring relationships, and you fall into this sea of other lonely men. And you begin to wonder… will I ever fit into the “normal” way of being a straight man? So you try. You try to navigate the world through that paradigm. But maybe it’s not real. Or if it is, it’s few and far between.

And all the while, you’re roaming the planet as a queer man, aching. Your body aches for connection—something deeply carnal, something you can’t change. It’s like the way people are designed to connect and find partners just doesn’t quite fit for you. And it’s sad. And your heart breaks a little more every time you learn that.

But at the end of the day, we still yearn to be loved. Fully. Completely. To meet people who match us in the season we’re in—people who help move us closer to whatever our destiny is.

There are so many sides to the journey of a queer man. The search for love. The search to fill the void.

And I think everyone carries a void. Doesn’t matter who you are. Mark Manson talks about this in Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope—he calls it an existential emptiness. The way we navigate that emptiness is probably different for everyone.

But for me, it always feels better to navigate it with others.

And right now, in this season, that means navigating the void with other queer men. Because we need each other. Often, we’re the only ones who really get it.

Stay Well,